Do you use TripAdvisor?

I remember when this online joint got their start and began encouraging everyone to chime in on their vacation experiences. In three simple words: I love it!

No. I don’t love it for substance.I love it for style. For misspellings. For the WTF factor. If I want a good chuckle, I’ll hop on and read about some of the worst rated hotels and motels in these great United States. I end every read with the same statement: “What were these people expecting?” I think it’s hilarious that people book ahead without the aid of an affiliate partner such as Priceline.com or Hotels.com–but these people do it. Repeatedly.

My favorites are those who book vacations to hot and humid geographic regions and then go on to rate the vacation poorly because it was too excruciatingly hot and humid to enjoy anything.

Let’s delve into the magic of TripAdvisor. I’m just gonna roll the dice here, and see what we come up with.

Here’s a gem from user ProgunAK for the Pagoda Hotel in Oahu. ProgunAK? Gotta be Sarah Palin. These are all anonymous aside from a username, after all. That screams legitimacy.

Having worked as a hotel desk clerk who dealt with complaints, I think it only appropriate to respond to these reviews.

Do not stay on the annex across street, low class dump. We mistakenly booked a room with kitchenette. DON’T. Main hotel tower is tolerable if you are keen on saving money. Good location, close to shopping, reasonable wak to beach. Locals stay there because of big local discount. We were greeted at entrance by a disabled man in wheel chair, with his pants down to his knees showing his diaper! (not staff, but not cool) Staff was very friendly & helpful with directions. This place is hard to find, as street signs are little in Waikiki and impossible to see at night. We cancelled a later reservation and paid another 30 bucks for a major upgrade on the beach. Would only reccomed if you only want to crash and don’t care about comfort or updated carpet. Tower rooms had basics, but carpet was rippled and needed replacing throughout. Windows dirty, but baths seemed clean. Towels suck, thin. I would pay more for a remodeled room with new carpet, paint and some decant towels.

Thank you for your feedback. First off all, reviewer, I’m sorry you had to go to Hawaii for business. Secondly, it seems as if you might have missed the true heart of adventure. Had I rolled up to my hotel in Waikiki and been greeted at the door by a disabled man in a wheel chair with his pants down to his knees, in a diaper…I probably would have thought to myself, “Sweet mercy, this place knows how to party!” Since the place is so hard to find, perhaps the employees really aren’t that great with directions? Ultimately, I’m sorry there were no decant towels, but I’m sure the sucky thin towels were better than defecated towels, yes?

Here’s another from user Roonasmom, after staying the New Orleans Econo Lodge:

Entire room smelled like three year old spoiled cheese. Floors so grimy, I refused to walk anywhere without shoes. Linen damp and dirty as if not changed in a while. Towels contained pubic hair. Service was horrible; front desk clerk was very unpleasant and cold. I would not recommend this hotel to my worst enemy or an animal. Worst place ever stayed.

Hello, reviewer. I think you should forgive the smell of the cheese. It is my understanding that Econo Lodge’s marketing and PR department dropped the ball when deciding upon a “scent” beloved by all. They ordered “Sharp Cheddar” for the room deodorizers. A word to the wise: I would never walk around ANY hotel with bare feet unless you’re a fan of mystery moisturizer. The moist linens are a package they are pushing as the “spa package,” yet the towels containing pubic hair–totally unacceptable. That’s like a body having pubic hair. How can such a thing happen? Perhaps it could have been used for dental floss? It’s all a matter of perspective. The thing that has me confused: What hotel would you recommend to your worst enemy…or an animal?

(Image via: Bostonist)